Snail Theory'—Sometimes It's OK To Let A Friendship Go

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And then there were all the nearly-but-not-quite friends that slipped through the cracks. The girl I went to college with who moved and never reached out. The girl who I see at parties literally every time I go out, but has a boyfriend I just can't gel with. The guy who asks me to go for breakfast sometimes, but I'm always busy, so then I ask him when I'm free, but then he's busy, and on it goes. If there's one thing I've learned, it's that friendships are important—maybe the most important thing —but if it feels really hard to maintain one, even one that used to be close, then there's very little to be gained from attempting to move the earth. There have been times in which I've felt anguished that a friendship isn't working out, only to feel immediately freer as soon as I relinquish control over the inevitable.

Obviously, if the person's a good friend, it's worth working through any chinks in the armor… obviously . One close friend and I are quite bad at texting—we can both go weeks without responding—and there have been times in which we've occasionally pissed each other off over the years. But she's one of my favorite people in this universe. Even just looking at her face gives me a fresh hit of dopamine. And that type of friendship is like a beautiful garden—it takes active watering, and pruning, and removing of any damaging weeds if and when they arise. If you walk away from every friendship as soon as you hit a bump, or as soon as things fizzle, then you will ultimately end up an island. And, like romantic relationships, friendships can feel stronger and less superficial when they've had to undergo a few repairs.